“Did you take your meds today?” If I’m not asking myself that thirty minutes after I wake up I’m probably hearing it from Jess;) But my ADHD isn’t just talking fast and the inability to focus; I often find myself thinking a better description is the inability to drown out stimuli; physical, mental, and emotional. Some days are easier than others, and I can keep most of my impulses at bay by repeating a song in my head, playing video games, or staying busy with CJ Pours art. Other days, every impulse and stimuli push against each other constantly. On these rough days, something as simple as my pants lightly brushing against my leg turns into agonizing repetitive thoughts of uncomfort and rage. A simple question from a friend sends thirty-two different responses to the front of my head and I have to decide which one doesn’t overshare and stays on topic. Being pushed and pulled between clear and exciting impulses to bombarding, confusing thoughts drains and molds me into who I am.
The cells in Eye Feel Everything mimic my ADHD impulsive feelings; some have cells within themselves, some are simple, some are bright, and some are dark; the whole of the cells though are not uniformly nor quite comfortably fitted onto the canvas. Here we see the cells pushing and pulling one another, squeezing in between to try and escape, to be free and known. Sometimes I am able to cast a net around my thoughts, tie them down long enough for me to process them; but they are all still trapped inside of me, constantly straining my focus and energy.
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